He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
