i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
