I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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