the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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