Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
