I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
