I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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