You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
