if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
