You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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