I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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