We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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