Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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