You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
