I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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