When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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