someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
