I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
her facebook's as public as her vagina
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
