sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
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Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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