he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
