i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I did not marry a roomba.
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