I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she peed on how many people?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
