you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
