So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
