How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am one with the molecules
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
