And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
