So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
