Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
