I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
