I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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