Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
