he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
