It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize