Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
