apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
