I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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