i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
