Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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