do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
