He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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