I haven't been this sober since birth.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
