Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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