How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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