Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
