I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's rum buckets o'clock
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
