lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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