she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
