U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
