Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
