If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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