I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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