So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
