I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Randomize
