She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
