oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Randomize
