the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
