i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
