My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
