the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We just shotgunned beers for America
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
