I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
