I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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