I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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