im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
