At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
